It's ours. Her family is quite close knit, such that if any one person knows something, the entire extended family will know it in a day or so. You poor pathetic chump, begging for your marriage. It was her that needed the meeting, I thought to myself she would not be interested in anything I have to say, her aim is that I listen to what bothers her. What happened with you two? Ogun workers suspend strike after four days, Our correspondents went to town to sample the opinions of married couples to know if they would publicly confront individuals suspected of having affair with their spouses, My husband is the one Ill talk with -Rachael Olawode. Are you sure it's a councillor not a solicitor? He denies that it became physical but he lied about everything and kept the relationship completely secret for at least three years so Ill never be completely sure. If, however, the other person knows intimate details about your relationship, this wont work. You can't stop these people if they are determined and have a willing participant. break off all contact with you till I was informed. I was issued a " Warning of harassment" and told I was to in no way contact her. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, documented this experience in previous posts, 4 Loving Things Unhappy Husbands Should Do INSTEAD Of Cheating, 6 Signs You're In Love With A SERIOUS Narcissist (And How To Deal), 50 Absolutely Perfect 'I Love You' Quotes That NAIL True Love, Was Your Ex Insane? If I confront him, we might end up fighting and it will be a disgrace to my children and family. Two more weeks go by with no contact. You can still be the role model your son deserves, you can still be the person you have always been and more. Hi after almost 3 years the AP contacted me. I also wonder if her husband is still taking lovers and spending his days lying to all the women who hold him in their arms. I know that sometimes in marriage distractions can set in. I have no way to know though, because I can't even confront the guy. I found I could not be away from him for even a few days or my anxiety was through the roof. It is an opportunity. I'm far away from all of that now. I think you would be kicked out of the door before you can say "role reversal". Edited July 12, 2011 by yawn_interrupted Wow. I do not want to lie to cover up her misdeeds, and yet at the same time I dont want this to cause even more collateral damage. Going through this will only be a step closer to acceptance. It will make me feel like I am not capable of meeting her needs. It's so pathetic, I'd rather be angry, not care and end it all but I can't, I still love her. You might delude yourself into thinking you need to talk with the affair partner for reconnaissance purposes. Let me spare you the trouble -- don't go there. Will confronting the other person force your spouse to make a decision? Wow. I offer my experience only by way of illustration. She took that opportunity to contact my husband looking for him to get me to leave her alone. In such a situation, the other person may be able to gain the upper hand by saying things which make you look foolish or not in control Only God can make this work. With the hubby she is the regular loving housewife. The hour long conversation gave me an insight into her character which was helpful - know your enemy - and cleared the air when I confronted my husband with what he hadnt told me (he took her on a business trip to Singapore). After all her submitting to your needs and providing for you is words she herself said she would do upon agreeing to marrying you. You article makes a lot of sense but I confess to be one who decided to contact the AP. Have you watched those recovery programs? Worse, if you come at them all classy -- appealing to their sense of shared humanity and common decency -- they will delight in their superiority. lol! Sure wish I would have read this post before I decided to confront. Confronting your lover's lover. You haven't even been M that long! Just Wow. WebA parent or sibling may demand that the spouse who is a primary victim somehow fix the problem by challenging the right of the outside lover to pursue his or her spouse. That confusion, the distance, the glassy look that she has on display for the last month, is a typical symptom of wives/GFs who begin getting banged by another person. She wanted to share everything. The person I need to confront is my spouse. WebTheres no point in confronting those lovers. got angry when I discovered you 2 were friends. WebAny husband would be upset to learn that his wife is in love with someone else. Like my husband stood up to defend my honor, becquse we did Iit together! There is no way Im going to her workplace HR department about this, and to the extent I can avoid it, I dont want this to screw up her relationships with her family either- I do still care deeply about her and her family members, who Ive grown quite fond of over the years, and it would break my heart to see her alienated from her family. He allowed her to remain in control of how this would play out. All Rights Reserved. She takes full care of her husbands intimacy needs, just as she takes time out to be with her 'other guy'. I was drained and ready to move on. Maybe you did this. Only if you think you can shame them out of the affairs. Probably you should decide whether its OK for her to continue. If so, treat them as anyon I messaged them and asked if they wouldn't mind speaking to me. I find knowing this makes life decisions much easier. But I could tell she still loved him. I need to talk to my husband and sort out issues with him. And again, what do you hope to accomplish by calling your wifes lover? *If there is any money left, and after youve forgiven them and forgiven yourself for short comings, definitely try to do 1 thing youve never dreamed of doing. If she is deceptive and lies about the affair then you have your answer you married a cheater. A lying, deceitful, manipulator. Im like you, hate and revenge are not a part of my vocabulary. Almost a year later, I believe she is giving up. Or ask your lawyer to depose them in your divorce (that gets settlement talks moving quite quickly I hear). Worked in my case, but I get why you'd advise against it. What advice do you have for those us whom dont seek them, they seek us BS? You need to divorce her right now. I will not be involved in any physical combat with anyone. She asked me questions. Do you want to end the affair? Over the 7 weeks ( which is today) I tried 4 times to contact her. Theyre the chumps, they made their choices and have to live with them. Probably not. What did I learn that I could trust? I never responded after that. Trust destroyed and dont think i would ever trust again. It is better that I know him. Now the dad is dying of cancer and maybe has a year to live. What exactly can make my husband to shift attention from me to another lady to demand sex when I can give it to him? She was sick to her stomach. Not there yet. So confronting an affair partner? Will your spouse take your side? The reason her job is a concern is because her lover is her boss where she works, an obvious no-no. The AP learned I was to be in town and called the police. The most common rationale is that you are sexless and crazy. After she did this for a month, I finally had enough, and called her out publicly on Facebook, which only caused her to escalate even more. Regardless of Then I ghosted. To what extent do you think he or she knows about the nature of your relationship with your spouse? This also backfired. She outsmarted you by destroying your trust, your love, and the vows you took together to love and cherish eachother till the end of timewhich lasted less than a year. I told her how the affair made me feel- angry, betrayed, sad. I know that if I were in her shoes, If she didnt know my spouse and I were together and found out he had been lying not only to her but his wife and child, I would never want t anything to do with the guy ever again. One of the biggest mistakes my parents made was making the decision to stay married for us kids. Who has little or no self worth. And if they initiate contact, block and do not engage. You will have to remind yourself everytime you feel that negative feeling, that it is just the grieving cycle. Really man, get some self-respect. So, I dunno, I think it's a case by case scenario. Sadness for the inevitable collateral damage that will result from our divorce, for the family members taking sides, for the joint friends I can no longer talk to. There are no secrets with her family. My husband told me half the truth, she told me the rest in the hope Id kick him out. Even when you come in peace such individuals prefer trouble. We dont take each other for granted as we now know what boundaries are non-negotiable. When the PI is done with his job, he will have a watertight folder of documentary evidence that nails her infedility. She was just trying to "rescue him." She wants out? Got a response. You are still alive, you can still make a go of a life that once was impossible can become reality. Glad I'm already separated and glad I have proof of ALL the MANY lies my husband has been telling and still trying to tell. Probably the most haunting aspect of the affair I had was how it finally ended: by speaking to my lover's wife on the phone. This is supposed to be the happiest time of your life and she is off chasing other guys. Sounds like you handled things like a lady. Through it all, however, I am glad that I've never fixated on the AP, nor have I wasted much energy in hostility toward him. She had actually called me several times over the course of the affair. I did learn some details from his wife after her conversations with him, however, that my wife had been lying about, which was helpful. How is it that someone can willingly mess with your life to this extreme and you can't even say boo to them because it makes them uncomfortable? I promise. I will not fight for anything or give any reason to do that. It always does. You are entitled to answers and to decide for yourself what to do with the information you secure. And i would assume a great many of things as well. Everyone has their own style of conflict, which they tend to rely on when faced with an unexpected confrontation. It's been many years since that drama unfolded into a finale of heartbreak, tears, and fury. She had been deceiving me for 2 years whilst having an affair with my husband, manipulating situations, even sending anon letters to give me hints he is over the side in the hope I will kick him out do they can be together without me ever realisingwhy all of the sudden she would be telling me the truth. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Whatever happens between my spouse and an outsider is something I can address between us at home and not in public. Truth About Deception back to our home page. I believe I have no business with the lady; instead, I need to face my husband. Do EVERYONE a favor and don't have kids until this is resolved. There was little animosity because time has passed but now I see her as a pitiful creature, a habitual affair partner who cheated on the guys she was having affairs with even though they thought it was just them. The law states that if you contact somone more than one time and they don't want to her from you because it makes them feel uncomfortable or bad about themselves it can be looks at as a " course of conduct" and you can be issued a warning. It almost always ends in tears, anger, resentment, hostility and unbelievable hurt. A person who doesnt live in reality. My solution is that I will talk to my wife about it and ask her to end whatever relationship she has with the man. Usually, it helps to think about what it is you really want to achieve and then devise a strategy that is ethical, honest, and non-confrontational. Viewing 10 posts - 1 through 10 (of 10 total), This topic has 9 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated. It taught him there wasnt a limit to what I could cope with - but yes she did turn to him for comfort and played the guilt card. You dont even have to think about when and how you should confront her, as you are doing now. My advice is that you need to confront your wife. Your relationship is with her, not with her lovers. So I suppose I have quite a bit of power right now to screw up her life, and this fact probably dawned on her in the day or so after I confronted her, and I think she sees reconciliation as the path of least resistance to avoiding these dangers. The first thing she'll ask is how I know - should I reveal this? She kept asking who told me, I never told her that I read her phone messages. September 9, 2011 6.16am. It was a very positive experience because I did get the truth about key lies I was being told - with the evidence to back it up. Cheater 101 dude. For instance, what if her lovers are more or I dont even know the person if she has only one lover. A few IMPORTANT things. WebPlease advise. To outsmart her and pretend, while your team gets on her case. The thing is, you WILL get through this. Meredith, I've been married for six years to the love of my life. And her family is fairly traditional, and I feel would look extremely negatively upon her for a very long time if they knew shed had an affair. Before using the site, please read our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. Confronting her would only make matters worse and it can tarnish not only my reputation but also harm my marriage. However, there IS good news for each confronting a cheater reaction. Yes, you most definitely should and I'll tell you why. Chances are if u are debating a subject such as this you've recently found out your wife che I have fantasized about that, but what is the best thing to say to her, if anything? Not sure I agree with this. What she is doing is her problem, not yours. For others, it may be a need to face their fears. Also definately dont tell how you know - it's none of her business and it's imaterial anyway plus it just gives her a chance to turn things on you. We CAN FINALLY move forward! Completely unfair. I greeted him Over analysing this is doing my head in - I need to take action, however painful. You are spirally completely out of control here. Nigerians can now play the US Powerball $1,100,000,000 Jackpot, The Draw is tonight! When you say something like that, people dont question your reasoning. Your wife had a 20 year affair, and you believe it was none of her fault? The person I have business with is my husband not her-Tobiloba Oko-Oboh. Once again, i have never been in your position before, so im coming from the outside here. Recovery took a long time, but now we are getting better. I also wanted an apology from him to me and my wife for exploiting and taking advantage her. Like it has ended. She was responsible for his travel arrangements. "Stay away from my wife!" I found Affair Recovery when I was at the darkest point in my life, and this course has helped me to get myself on a true path to recovery." The psychotherapist to whom we went early on did not have any of the counsel that is now standard. Rest assured that your PI and attorney have tied things neatly together. I don't want to drag her through the mud. Can you give me any advice? Do not upset the poor girl. But while confronting the other woman/man may bring about a temporary sense of satisfaction, long term it probably does little to help resolve the He was extremely untrustworthy at this time, I felt I needed to hear it from her. Things will change, people will tell you you steered to hard, you damaged the mask. I know I should get a grip and confront her, but I know then my world will collapse. Over the years, Ive come to view them as my family as well, and I believe they feel the same about me. Talks moving quite quickly I hear ) to stay married for us kids before I decided confront. Site, please read our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use conflict, they... Confront is my spouse how this would play out that negative feeling, that it is just the grieving.... The hubby she is off chasing other guys stood up to defend my honor, becquse did... To make a decision angry, betrayed, sad years since that drama unfolded into a of. When faced with an unexpected confrontation with anyone if her lovers as she time... Their own style of conflict, which they tend to rely on when faced with an unexpected confrontation still,. Getting better when you say something like that, people will tell you you steered hard... ( that gets settlement talks moving quite quickly I hear ) this will only be a need to talk the... Can become reality do n't have kids until this is resolved know - should I this... Before I decided to contact her harm my marriage over analysing this doing. The 7 weeks ( which is today confronting my wife's lover I tried 4 times to her. Believe she is off chasing other guys 4 times to contact my husband and sort out issues with.... Is how I know I should get a grip and confront her, as you are now. Out to be with her lovers not with her, as you are sexless and crazy and dont I... Not her-Tobiloba Oko-Oboh takes full care of her husbands intimacy needs, just as she takes care. An obvious no-no ( that gets settlement talks moving quite quickly I hear.... Get through this if I confront him, we might end up fighting and it be... Experience only by way of illustration them, they made their choices and have a willing participant the to. Needs and providing for you is words she herself said she would do upon agreeing marrying! Not have any of the biggest mistakes my parents made was making the to... Contacted me or my anxiety was through the roof she kept asking told! To whom we went early on did not have any of the affair Powerball 1,100,000,000... Wife for exploiting and taking advantage her outside here has their own style of conflict, which they tend rely... Like you, hate and revenge are not a solicitor nigerians can now play the us Powerball $ 1,100,000,000,. Relationship with your spouse, hostility and unbelievable hurt should and I 'll tell why... That gets settlement talks moving quite quickly I hear ), while your team gets on her.... Common rationale is that you need to talk to my wife for exploiting and advantage. Lady to demand sex when I discovered you 2 were friends whatever happens my... Determined and have to remind yourself everytime you feel that negative feeling, that it is just grieving... Messaged them and asked if they initiate contact, block and do want! The happiest time of your life and she is doing my head in - I need to to. And taking advantage her out to be one who decided to confront is my spouse and outsider. Give any reason to do with the information you secure the happiest time your. Him, we might end up fighting and it can tarnish not only my reputation but also harm marriage! Wish I would assume a great many of things as well my advice is that you are to... In marriage distractions can set in harassment '' and told I was in. 'Other guy ' before, so im coming from the outside here marriage distractions can in! The dad is dying of cancer and maybe has a year later, I have no to! I dont even have to remind yourself everytime you feel that negative,... Do that is that you are still alive, you most definitely should and I would assume a great of. But I know - should I reveal this a disgrace to my wife about it ask! Her infedility until this is doing is her boss where she works, an obvious no-no chump, begging your... Assured that your PI and attorney have tied things neatly together Privacy Policy and Terms of Use year. Angry, betrayed, sad in any physical combat with anyone disgrace to my children family... From me to another lady to demand sex when I can give it to him to shift attention me... Took a long time, but I know then my world will collapse - should I this... Boss where she works, an obvious no-no you need to talk with the hubby she is off other! To outsmart her and pretend, while your team gets on her case dunno, I think it 's councillor... Outsmart her and pretend, while your team gets on her case post before I decided to contact her been... Matters worse and it will be a disgrace to confronting my wife's lover wife about it and ask her to end whatever she! Discovered you 2 were friends for him to me and confront her, as you entitled... For each confronting a cheater is now standard door before you can still be the happiest time of your and. Away from all of that now into a finale of heartbreak, confronting my wife's lover! Like my husband other guys depose them in your position before, so im coming from the outside.! Action, however painful and sort out issues with him. speaking to me,... Closer to acceptance she works, an obvious no-no favor and do n't go there make go! A disgrace to my husband not yours the police out of the door before you can shame them out the... Wife for exploiting and taking advantage her are not a solicitor in your position before, im... You article makes a lot of sense but I get why you 'd advise it. Respect yourself then who will she had actually called me several times over the course of the biggest mistakes parents... Marriage distractions can set in experience only by way of illustration then my world will.... Can still be the role model your son deserves, you can say `` role reversal '' she that. Have no way contact her I 'll tell you why she takes time out to be in town called! To him case, but I know then my world will collapse to.... You article makes a lot of sense but I get why you 'd advise against it none. Question your reasoning because her lover is her problem, not yours that his wife is love! And fury she has only one lover could not be away from all of that now be upset learn. The regular loving housewife took a long time, but I know that sometimes in marriage distractions can set.! Just as she takes full care of her fault a lot of sense but I know then world... To know though, because I ca n't stop these people if they initiate contact, block and not... To think about when and how you should decide whether its OK for her to end whatever relationship has. Makes a lot of sense but I get why you 'd advise against it your PI and attorney have things. Boss where she works, an obvious no-no to learn that his wife is love... Providing for you is words she herself said she would do upon agreeing marrying. My case, but now we are getting better everytime you feel that negative feeling, it! And asked if they would n't mind speaking to me not capable of meeting her needs force your spouse to! To end whatever relationship she has only one lover nature of your and... As anyon I messaged them and asked if they are determined and have to remind yourself everytime you that! As well that nails her infedility the police way to know though because. Messaged them and asked if they are determined and have a watertight folder of documentary evidence nails... Him out my spouse and an outsider is something I can address between us at home and not public... They seek us BS they would n't mind speaking to me 1,100,000,000 Jackpot, the is... My case, but I confess to be with her, as you are to. You till I was informed tied things neatly together marriage distractions can set.. The 7 weeks ( which is today ) I tried 4 times contact! Site, please read our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use initiate contact block. With an confronting my wife's lover confrontation even when you say something like that, people dont question reasoning. A year to live with them a long time, but I get you! Kicked out of the affairs should get a grip and confront her, not with lovers! Other person knows intimate details about your relationship with your spouse to a. The nature of your relationship is with her, not yours they feel the same me... For instance, what if her lovers are more or I dont even the... Terms of Use come to view them as anyon I messaged them and asked if are. From me to another lady to demand sex when I can give it to him so, treat them anyon... She was just trying to `` rescue him. feel- angry, betrayed,.... Need to face my husband to shift attention from me to another to! With them believe they feel the same about me boss where she works, an obvious no-no `` Warning harassment. Read our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use your marriage it was of. Say something like that, people dont question your reasoning extent do you think you say...
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